Fml.

2009 is finally coming to an end. Well, I wouldn't say it has been really a fruitful year, though with new school&friends.

I really adore the times I spent during choir, nonetheless the scoldings from Mr Toh. I certainly love the music we make. It's weird. I dread going to choir. I "fuck" - as in verbally saying - choir for taking up so much of my time. But at the end of it, I enjoy.

I enjoy how I work hard and study. I enjoy making new friends. I enjoy lots of stuffs this year. But there's always those thorns of the rose which spoils everything. There's always the bad stuffs that come in the package which you want to enjoy.

I dumped a friend this year. I'm acting as a good friend in front of one I detest. What is happening to me? I'm not the kind of person who manipulates/uses a person then dumps him/her away when he/she has no use for me.

I certainly don't comprehend why can't friendship just go on naturally. I don't comprehend why people must be sensitive. I just want a normal friendship like ones I have in primary school. Those that are simple, but worth much more.

I wonder, is it me that have grown picky and sensitive, or is the others?

There are simply too much for me to be bothered about.

Those that are close to me know, that I'm totally not the sporty - as in really into sports - person. I don't try out a lot of things. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of being snickered at. I'm afraid of not doing things well. Most importantly, I'm afraid of how others look at me.

I don't know lots of things. Lots of sports. And I'm scared of looking for people to help.

When people ask what computer games I play, I answer, "Audition". They'll suddenly freak out and stare at me and say, "Why do you play such a gay game?".

Is my lifestyle really that horrible?

I'm getting more and more concerned about how I look. I wear a cap just to hide my hair. Actually, in my life, there's lots of things I would like to hide too, but can't. I'm really getting more concerned about how others look at me.

Probably the only way I can compensate, is through studies. Yeah, but I hate the way how people look up at me and expect me to know everything and be everything. And when I don't know/be that everything, I'll just cringe and try to run away. Sometimes, I do try be/know that everything, but the rest of the times, I'm just scared of failing.

HOW? I want to restart everything all over again. Fml.